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Week 24: Wiki article: "Lament of Lamia" - Ink Twist [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Week 24: Wiki article: "Lament of Lamia" [Mar. 23rd, 2009|11:42 pm]
Ink Twist


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Title: Lament of Lamia
Author: ink_n_imp
Rating: PG
Fandom/Original: Original Poem
Prompt used: Wikipedia article about "Lamia"
Feedback: Good Lord, I've written a poem. I entirely blame the Chesterton/Tennyson/Green Knight/Chaucer I've been reading and re-reading as of late. I NEVER write poetry. EVER. And I acknowledge that the rhyme is not up to Standards in places and the ending is rushed; I do want to go back to it, but I would love your two cents about what I have so far, how it works, etc etc. So, er, pretty please?
AN: Prompt from last week, but just finished it tonight.

Lament of Lamia

I see you have come at the mid day hour
To beggar a question and leave with your life--
And the sun is bright and my mind is mellow
So sit by my side and pay me my price.
To insure your comfort I ’ll pluck out my eyes,
Useless to me really for all that they see.
Without great regret I put them aside--
A respite from revenge and wanton cruelty.

Come sit by my side, and show no fear--
I’m too old for deceit in all honesty.
Your cheek is smooth though your voice has broken--
No, little boy, you are too old for me.

Now why have you come? No,
Let me divine it--a lover?
A brother? Another you seek?
The Truth? A cure? A wizard? Enchanter?
Oh--You thought your tale was unique?

The Details are worthless, the journey’s the same--
The hero, our hero!, a step more in his quest,
Visits the villain, the demon, the monster,
In the hole or hell where she makes her rest.
For the key, for the flower, for the riddle or clue,
He shall stir the old fires and tempt the old beasts--
But never tempted, I only consumed; it’s
Your Time, not your Flesh, upon which I will feast.

For Lilith was Greedy and Moloch a Bore--
These once same-minded companions of mine.
Cursed as we cursed, denied as we took
Though we fought--how we fought!--that mighty Divine.

Lilith was Greedy--Any
Price would pay it. And Moloch
was dismal, and each Meal a chore.
And I only hungered that others might suffer
The same as I did--and even more.

Their children? I took them, I snatched them and ate them,
The good and the naughty I all led astray.
As mine were once stolen, I stole them in turn;
Ate of their sweet flesh, left their bones for display.
Others would have cried, and some might have died,
And yes, I believe that I may have, in truth.
And my heart froze cold, though my belly was on fire
For beauty, and love, and innocent youth.

And Lilith was Greedy, fresh from the Garden,
And Moloch was Fallen, straight from the Fight,
And blind eyes were turned from me and these others;
Together we preyed on the world in our spite.

And the mothers, they cried! And
The fathers they hunted
For Lilith and Moloch and me for our deeds.
But monsters are tricky, and cunning and wise;
We laughed as we hide and continued to feed.

And I bartered Consumption, and
Lilith trained Greed, and
Moloch taught the tenets of Economy,
And flesh was our coin, and blood was the grease
In the wheel upon which broke the whole human race.

What would you do, old boy-young man?
If that which you lost could not be regained?
What if you failed in your quest, like I did?
Would you swallow your kindness along with your pain?

“Where are you going?’ she cried to the silence.
Where are you going?” Lamia, cried she.

From: mellifluous_ink
2009-03-24 03:56 am (UTC)
I like the cadence of this, though the rhythm falters in places. And the images it conjured, the story it tells, is very inviting. The abrupt ending is actually perfect for it.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: skiesfirepaved
2009-03-24 04:47 pm (UTC)
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I adore this, what a beautiful piece of poetry! I'm no poet myself so I can't offer any form of constructive criticism, but I just wanted to say how much I loved reading this poem. I don't think the ending was rushed at all, I found it quite haunting. The inclusion of Lilith was nice, too (I'm a 'fan'). :P
(Reply) (Thread)